I have decided that there are 2 kinds of people in this world…
Only 2, you ask?
Yes, today only 2.
There are those who buy lottery tickets and those who don’t.
Are you nodding in agreement?
Of course you are.
My husband is firm in his resolve that we WILL, one day, win the lotto.
I am the other side of the coin. The Simon to his Garfunkle.
I hate wasting money on ridiculousness. And no, $30 hair straightening serum is not ridiculous, thank you very much.
I guess what I am saying is that I hate wasting money on things I have no control over…
Like I could have totally just spent that very same losing lottery ticket dollar on a pack of gum. I would at least have minty fresh breath to show for it.
But my husband continues to play..over and over. Especially when the payout is over $200 million…it is extra important to play then, apparently…because, you know, no one else has that same idea.
Besides, we would never win the lottery, anyway. We are too normal.
We eat at Applebees.
We pay our mortgage.
I have seen those shows on the Discovery Channel where lotto winners have squandered all their earnings on ninja sword collections, and blinged out pinky rings… or made questionable investments in Teepee Motels or alpaca farms.
All NOT normal.
And since I don’t plan on getting a marble statue of myself to display in front of my ginormous mansion or intend on developing a crack habit I think I don’t qualify as crazy enough to win the lottery.
BUT my husband has a difference of opinion. Soooo, he buys the tickets. Week after week…
I estimate that if I had all the money that we have previously spent on lotto tickets in my pocket I would have enough clams to develop quite a nice crack addiction.
I guess if I decided not to go the drug addict route I could certainly buy a set of not-at-all ostentatious Louis Vuitton luggage.
All those trifled lottery dollars gone. {sigh}
Now that I am sure I have officially offended all previous lottery winners, Teepee hotel owners, pinkie ring wearers, ninja sword collectors and crack smokers I will move on to my own personal lottery win….the invention of Samoa Bark.
It feels like winning the lottery without all the baggage and temptation..ok scratch that…there will definitely be temptation and there is almost a certain guarantee that you will be carrying around extra baggage on your tush, but it would be worth it, right?
Because, I think, until I DO win the lottery and buy the Girl Scout organization and force them to sell their delicious cookies year-round this yummy treat will have to suffice.
Suffice indeed.
It’s easy and no bake. Have I convinced you yet?
Here’s how you do it.
First melt your chocolate.
Then spread it on a foil lined baking sheet.
Immediately press shortbread cookies into the chocolate.
Put in the freezer to set.
Meanwhile toast your coconut. Carefully.
You want it to be pretty and toasty…
Now melt your caramels and fold in the pretty, toasted coconut. Spread it all over your frozen bark. It’s important that it’s frozen because the caramel mixture doesn’t spread easily and you want the bark to stay intact.
Now drizzle with more chocolate because it’s the law ’round these parts.
I stuck it back in the freezer for a few minutes to set the chocolate (you can skip this step if you have a little while and let it set up at room temperature), but you will want to eat the bark at room temperature unless you would like to lose a filling on the caramel. Something you should know.
Cut into squares, or triangles or parallelograms…maybe even a rhombus, if you’re feeling geometrical. Otherwise you can just break it into pieces and eat every time you walk past it, much like I do.
Samoa Bark
Ingredients
- 12 oz. semi-sweet chocolate + 2 oz for drizzle
- 35–40 shortbread cookies (I used Lorna Doone)
- 14 oz bag of caramels
- 3 cups sweetened flaked coconut
- 3 Tbsp water
- Instructions
Instructions
- Line a baking sheet with foil. Set aside.
- Melt 12 oz of semi-sweet chocolate over a double boiler or in the microwave. (I prefer double boiler).
- Spread the melted chocolate to your desired thickness…I went thin-ish.
- Top your warm chocolate evenly with your shortbread cookies.
- Place baking sheet in freezer while you do the next steps.
- In a non-stick skillet on medium-low heat, toast your coconut, stirring occasionally. This will take about 10 minutes or so, but be watchful because once it starts to brown it happens quickly and you do not want to burn the coconut! When the coconut is toasted, set aside.
- Meanwhile unwrap all your caramels and place them in a medium saucepan along with 3 Tbsp of water over medium-low heat.
- Stir continuously until the caramel has JUST melted. You don’t want to over heat the caramel, as it will make it hard. Immediately fold in your toasted coconut.
- Remove your chocolate from the freezer and spread the caramel/coconut evenly on top.
- Melt your remaining 2 oz of chocolate using whatever melting process you prefer and drizzle over the top of the caramel/coconut.
- Put back in the freezer for 5 minutes to set the chocolate.
- Cut and enjoy!
Notes
Cut using a sharp knife in the size/shape of your choosing. Store in an airtight container.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of this recipe. I made it last night and it just wasn’t what I expected. It was too hard to get the coconut/carmel mixture on the cookies and it didn’t “break” into pieces like traditional bark. I ate a piece and it just tasted a lot like….chocolate. Thank you for the recipe but I suppose it’s just not for me.
Would love to try this but we don;t have Lora Doone cookies in Canada. Wondering what I can find to substitute
These look So AMAZING!!!! These may have to be added to my Christmas baking list! And the comments on this post are hilarious!
I’m in love! My fav Girl Scout cookie is the Samoa and this is perfect fix. My family loved them. This will be a regular on special occasion rotation. I do cut them to the size of the cookie since they are a rich and sweet bite. Love your page too.
Shelly, you are a great writer. In this time when people often skip the use of capitalization and punctuation, you not only harken back to the days of yore, but you also craft your words in a lovely way. Sounds like you have a crazy fun sense of humor, too. I’m going to have to like or follow or pin (or whatever) so I can read more. If your recipes are as delightful as your commentary, this is going to be a fun addition. Thanks and best wishes.
Okay, I am scurred to do this but, what do you think about adding some salted butter to caramel while melting? Do you think this may make it easier to spread? I get SUPER frustrated spreading things like this. I’m starting this now, cause I am also super impatient, so if I don’t chicken out, I will report back. I’ll just eat the whole bowl of caramel if it screws it up, so no harm there, right?
OKAY! It worked, I think. I used about 1/2 Tb butter and Tb water in the caramel. I am not sure if it changed anything, but the caramel mixture was malleable and easy to spread with my moistened hands. (My moistened “clean hands” as recipes always read, which cracks me up.) Kind of like when they list “unwrapped caramels.” Thanks for this easy recipe…they came out perfect!
I went gambling one time… one time!
I blew $5 on a slot machine and was so ruffled at the lack of return I never gambled again. I am MUCH more willing to blow $5 on a cute top at Target or at least the ingredients to make this AMAZING samoa bark than to swindle it away into oblivion.
It’s quite evident that I’m with you on both these fronts – anti lottery and pro samoa.
All the way.
I went gambling one time… one time! I blew $5 on a slot machine and was so ticked off at the lack of return I never returned again. I am MUCH more willing to blow $5 on a cute top at Target or at least the ingredients to make this AMAZING samoa bark that to swindle it away into oblivion. Y
What size pan did you use in making these? They sound wonderful but I don’t want to drop into a over or undersized baking pan and ruin this amazing recipe!!
Blessings!
I used a jelly roll baking pan..18×13…
Oh Ehm Gee! I had a foodgasm just seeing the picture on your site. NEVER before have I just been browsing Pinterest and seen a recipe for something I’d never heard of before and dropped everything I was doing to rush to the store and try it for myself. I would make you royalty if I could. I need to formulate a new workout plan!! 🙂 Thanks so much!!